双语：你单身的原因

    11月11日的光棍节就要到了，如果你还处于单身的状态，就有必要了解一下你仍然单身的原因了，也许会有所改善。无论怎样，开心最重要。

    Let's face it, the majority of people who are single are not single because they honestly and truly choose to be that way. Yes, there are people out there who are single and love it and wouldn't change it for the world but these people are in the minority。

　　让我们面对现实吧：大部分单身的人之所以还单着，并不是因为他们发自内心地愿意选择这种生活方式。当然的确有些单身的人喜欢这样，而且不想做出改变。但这些人毕竟是少数。

　　So, if most people who are still single would rather be in a relationship (of some kind)， why are there so many single people out there?那么，如果大多数单身的人或多或少是想开始一段感情的，为什么还有那么多单身的人呢?

　　I happen to be single myself and believe that there are some pretty good reasons to explain why single people like myself seem to stay single。我自己刚好也是单身，我相信有一些原因可以很好地解释为什么像我这样的单身人士依然孤家寡人。

　　If you're one of the single people, keep on reading to see if one of these "top 5 reasons why you're alone" can explain why you're still single。如果你也是单身，接着往下读，看看“五大单身理由” 里有没有哪一条符合你的情况。

　　1. You were in a long-term relationship:你曾经有一段长期的恋情

　　Being in a long-term relationship is much different than dating. If your long-term relationship ends, there is a lot more to deal with than if you'd only been dating for a few months. Take a 10-year relationship that's ended, for example: there's 10 years of good memories, bad memories, lost commitments, joy, hurt - you name it - to try to deal with.

　　长期的恋情和短暂的约会大不相同。如果你结束了一段长期的恋情，你需要解决的问题比约会了几个月的人多得多。比如说一段10年的恋情结束了，留下了10年的美好回忆、糟糕回忆、未兑现的承诺、各种喜悦和痛苦，凡是你能数出来的都需要去应对。

　　Assumedly, if you were in a 10-year relationship, the person you were with knew you well - your likes, dislikes, your quirks, your friends, family, hopes, dreams, etc. You probably knew each other so well that it was like you had your own secret language. Even if the relationship ended badly, that's a lot to try to replace!

　　通常情况下，如果你们曾经在一起10年，那个人会非常了解你：你的好恶、你的怪癖、你的朋友、你的家人、你的希望、你的梦想等等。你们大概非常了解对方，就好像他/她是你专属的秘密语言一样。即便这段恋情以糟糕的方式结束了，想要找人取代他/她的位置依然不容易。

　　It's no wonder that single people with long-term relationships in their past seem to stay single. Whether it makes sense to them or not, they just can't seem to find someone who can replace what they once had whether what they had was good or not. The key here is that they will never be able to find a direct replacement but they can find someone new who is equally if not more worthwhile and hopefully a better match. It takes time, openness and commitment to build another long-term relationship from scratch and it can be scary and overwhelming。

　　所以那些过去有过长期恋情的人保持单身就不足为奇了。不管有没有道理，他们似乎就是找不到人来替代曾经那个人的位置，不管那个人究竟是不是那么好。关键在 于他们永远不可能找到一个直接的替代者，但是他们可以找到一个新的人，即便不比原来那个人更值得，但至少也是个不错的另一半。结束一段伤痛、再次建立一段 长期的感情需要时间、坦然和承诺。最初可能会让人提心吊胆、喘不过气。

　　2. You're shy and/or not very outgoing:你比较害羞，或者不够外向

　　Whether we like it or not, people who are outgoing tend to get noticed and that includes getting noticed by the opposite sex. Where does that leave shy single people? We're just not that likely to get noticed if we don't make eye contact with others and make a point of trying to get to know them. It's a sad fact, but true.

　　不管我们是否认同，外向活泼的人更容易引人注意，包括吸引异性的注意。那些害羞的单身人士可难办了。如果我们不和别人进行眼神的交流，也不表现出我们渴望了解他们，我们就不太可能引起他人的注意。听起来挺叫人难过，不过这是事实。

　　Being shy is at least 50% genetic so there's only so much we can do to overcome this. The good news is that there are lots of shy single people out there -- admittedly, the hard part is hooking up, but it happens, so don't despair。

　　害羞至少有一半原因来自遗传，所以我们仍然可以去克服它。是还有很多害羞的单身人士。不过不得不承认，难点在于你们如何跟他们搭上腔，但成功的例子也确实会发生，所以别绝望。

　　3. You live in a small town or village你住在小镇或者小村子里

　　Let's just play the numbers game here. Imagine you live in a small town of 3000 people and you're a woman. You're looking for a man, so you're down to 1500 to choose from except that 75% of them are taken so that leaves you with 375. Out of those 375, let's say 15% of them fall within an appropriate age range of you which brings you down to about 57. Out of those 57, you're sure not going to be compatible with all of them; there may be a few you're compatible with but how are you going to find them?

　　我们来玩个数字游戏。假设你是女性，住在一个只有3000人的小镇里。你在寻找一个男人，那么你的选择范围就降到了1500人，其中可能有75%的人已经有所属，那么留给你的还有375人。这375人中大概有15%的人符合你的年龄范围，所以还剩57人。而这57人当然不是每个都适合你;其中也许有一些和你般配的，但是你要怎样找到他们呢?

　　Just because you live in the same town doesn't mean that you're going to bump into each other on the sidewalk or at the grocery store. Of course, these are completely made up statistics but are generally what you're dealing with in small towns. If you want more dating options, you'll have to move to the big city。你们住在一个镇上不代表你们会在路边或者杂货店里偶遇。当然，这些只是假设的数据，但通常来讲你在小镇上的情况就是这样。如果你想要更多的约会机会，恐怕得搬去大城市。

　　4. You've been single a long time and are set in your ways 你单身太久，已经习惯了自己的生活方式

　　The longer you live as a single person, the more independent and self-sufficient you're forced to become. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, if taken to the extreme, it can hinder your efforts to find a mate. If you're used to doing everything yourself and for yourself only, it may be very difficult to let someone else into your life even though you may crave that closeness.

　　你单身的时间越久，你就迫使自己变得越独立、越靠自己。这并不是坏事，但如果走向极端，会阻碍你找到另一半。如果你习惯了凡事亲力亲为，而且只为自己而做，也许就很难让另一个人走进你的生活，哪怕你也许渴望这种亲密。

　　Unfortunately, this becomes more and more true as we get older. I'm pretty set in my ways myself and all I can hope for is that if the right one does come along, that I will let him break through my wall of independence that I have created。

　　不幸的是，随着我们渐渐长大，事情就越是如此。我已经非常习惯按自己的方式生活，我能期望的是，如果那个对的人真的出现了，我会允许他打破我已经建立起来的这座独立的墙。

　　5. You're just too picky你太挑剔了

　　Yes, we all want to have a Brad Pitt or Megan Fox type hanging off our arms but it's just not going to happen. Even if we don't want that, we have a list in our minds of traits that our future soulmate must possess and sometimes that list can be rather long, perhaps too long.

　　是的，我们都想要一个布拉德·皮特这样的帅哥或是梅根·福克斯那样的性感美女挽着我们的胳膊，但这太不现实了。哪怕我们期望没这么高，我们心里都列出了未来的灵魂伴侣必须符合的条件，有时这些条件还不少，也许太多了。

　　While nobody wants to "settle", you might want to ask yourself if everything on your list is really that important. Does it matter that much how tall the person is? How much money they make? What color hair they have? It might be worth relaxing some of your standards and seeing what kind of results you get. Remember, nobody is perfect。

　　没有人想被他人的条件“框定”，你也许应该问问自己，这些条件真的都这么重要吗?这个人的身高很重要吗?他赚多少钱很重要吗?他/她的头发是什么颜色很重要吗?请记住，没有人是完美的。

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