爱-我们如何定义？

　　Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort. Or is love a pleasant sensation, which to experience is a matter of chance, something one “falls into” if one is lucky? This little book is based on the former premise, while undoubtedly the majority of people today believe in the latter.

　　恋爱是一门艺术吗?那么爱是需要知识和努力的。或者爱是一种赏心悦目、只能巧遇、靠幸运才能“陷进去” 的感觉吗?这本小书以前者的假设为基础，而如今大多数人毫无疑问都相信后者。

　　Not that people think that love is not important. They are starved for it; they watch endless numbers of films about happy and unhappy love stories, they listen to hundreds of trashy songs about love—yet hardly anyone thinks that there is anything that needs to be learned about love.

　　不是因为人们认为爱情不重要。他们渴望爱情;他们没完没了地看各种爱情故事片，听许许多多无用的爱情歌曲——然而，几乎没有人认为爱情是需要学习的。

　　This peculiar attitude is based on several premises which either singly or combined tend touphold it. Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved rather than that of loving, of one’s capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable. In pursuit of this aim they follow several paths. One, which is especially used by men, is to be successful, to be as powerful and rich as the social margin of one’s position permits. Another, used especially by women, is to make oneself attractive, by cultivating one’s body, dress, etc. Other ways of making oneself attractive, used both by men and women, are to develop pleasant manners, interesting conversation, to be helpful, modest, inoffensive. Many of the ways to make oneself lovable are the same as those used to make oneself successful, “to win friends and influence people.” As a matter of fact, what most people in our culture mean by being lovable is essentially a mixture between being popular and having sex appeal.

　　这种与众不同的见解基于几个假设，这些假设要么单独、要么合起来支持这种观点。大多数人主要把爱情这个问题看成是被别人爱的问题，而不是看成爱别人、爱的能力问题。因此，对于他们来说，这个问题就是如何被别人爱和如何变得可爱。为了追求这个目标，他们有几条路可走：一是取得成功，在社会地位范围允许的条件下，尽可能多地获取权力和财富，这条路特别受到男士们的青睐;另一条是通过注重自己的仪容仪表、穿着打扮等使自己变得魅力四射，这条路尤其受到女士们的追捧;其他一些男女通用的使自己富有魅力的方法是，学会举止优雅、谈吐不凡、乐于助人、温文尔雅、为人随和。许多让自己变得可爱的方法和使自己变得成功的方法是一样的，那就是“赢得朋友、影响他人”。实际上，在我们的文化中，大多数人所说的可爱实质上就是既有人缘又很性感。

　　A second premise behind the attitude that there is nothing to be learned about love is the assumption that the problem of love is the problem of an object, not the problem of a faculty. People think that to love is simple, but that to find the right object to love—or to be loved by—is difficult. This attitude has several reasons rooted in the development of modern society. One reason is the great change which occurred in the twentieth century with respect to the choice of a “love object.”

　　认为爱情没有必要学习的观点背后，还有第二个假设，那就是爱情问题是对象问题，而不是能力问题。人们认为爱情很简单，而要找到合适去爱的对象或者爱自己的人却很难。这种观点有现代社会的发展所带来的若干原因，其中之一就是二十世纪在选择“爱的对象”方面发生了很大的变化。

　　In the Victorian Age, as in many traditional cultures, love was mostly not a spontaneouspersonal experience which then might lead to marriage. On the contrary, marriage wascontracted by convention—either by the respective families, or by a marriage broker, or without the help of such intermediaries; it was concluded on the basis of social considerations, and love was supposed to develop once the marriage had been concluded. In the last few generations the concept of romantic love has become almost universal in the Western world. In the United States, while considerations of a conventional nature are not entirely absent, to a vast extent people are in search of “romantic love, ” of the personal experience of love which then should lead to marriage. This new concept of freedom in love must have greatly enhanced the importance of the object as against the importance of the function.

　　在维多利亚时代，和许多传统文化里一样，爱情多半都不是一种可能走向婚姻的、自发的个人体验。相反，婚姻的缔结是由传统决定的——或者由家庭包办、或者靠媒妁之言、或者没有中间人的帮助;结婚是出于社会考虑，人们认为一旦结为夫妻，爱情就可以培养。而在过去几代人中，浪漫爱情这个概念在西方世界已经变得几乎人尽皆知。在美国，尽管传统观念没有完全消失，但很大程度上人们在追求“浪漫爱情”，追求应该走向婚姻的个人爱情体验。相对“功能”的重要性来说，自由恋爱这种新观念一定大大提高了“对象”的重要性。

　　Closely related to this factor is another feature characteristic of contemporary culture. Our whole culture is based on the appetite for buying, on the idea of a mutually favorable exchange. Modern man’s happiness consists in the thrill of looking at the shop windows, and in buyingall that he can afford to buy, either for cash or on installments. He (or she) looks at people in a similar way. For the man, an attractive girl—and for the woman an attractive man—are the prizes they are after. “Attractive” usually means a nice package of qualities which are popular and sought after on the personality market. What specifically makes a person attractive depends on the fashion of the time, physically as well as mentally. During the twenties, a drinking and smoking girl, tough and sexy, was attractive; today the fashion demands more domesticity and coyness. At the end of the nineteenth and the beginning of this century, a man had to be aggressive and ambitious—today he has to be social and tolerant—in order to be an attractive “package.”

　　与这个因素密切相关的是当代文化的另一个特征。我们的全部文化以购买欲望为基础，以互惠互利的交换观念为基础。现代人的幸福在于观看橱窗时的兴奋，在于购买有能力购买的一切，要么是现金交易，要么是分期付款。他(或她)以同样的方式看待别人。对于男人来说，一个充满魅力的女人——对于女人来说，一个充满魅力的男人——是他们追求的目标。“有魅力”通常是指集许多优点于一身，这些优点在个性市场上广受欢迎和追捧。具体是什么使一个人从里到外魅力四射取决于当时的风尚。在 20 世纪20 年代，一个喝酒、吸烟、霸道、性感的女孩会招人喜欢;今天的时尚却要求女人更加守家爱家、腼腆害羞。在十九世纪末本世纪初，男人必须积极进取、胸怀大志——今天他得善于交际、宽容忍让——这样才能成为具有魅力的“人”。

　　At any rate, the sense of falling in love develops usually only with regard to such human commodities as are within reach of one’s own possibilities for exchange. I am out for a bargain; the object should be desirable from the standpoint of its social value, and at the same time should want me, considering my overt and hidden assets and potentialities. Two persons thus fall in love when they feel they have found the best object available on the market, considering the limitations of their own exchange values. Often, as in buying real estate, the hidden potentialities which can be developed play a considerable role in this bargain. In a culture in which the marketing orientation prevails, and in which material success is the outstanding value, there is little reason to be surprised that human love relations follow the same pattern of exchange which governs the commodity and the labor market.

　　无论如何，一般来讲，只有这种人在你自己能够交换的范围之内时，恋爱的感觉才会产生。我是来做交易的;恋爱对象从社会价值角度来讲应该值得拥有，并且在考虑过我身上看得见和看不见的优点以及潜能之后，同时也能看得上我。鉴于自己的交换价值的局限性，当双方觉得已经在市场上找到对象，两个人就会坠入爱河。和购买不动产一样，具有开发价值的潜能常常会在这场交易中发挥巨大作用。在一种市场定位盛行、物质成功具有重要价值的文化里，人的恋爱关系所遵循的交换模式与调节商品、劳动力市场的交换模式一样就没有什么好奇怪的了。

　　The third error leading to the assumption that there is nothing to be learned about love lies in the confusion between the initial experience of “falling” in love, and the permanent state of being in love, or as we might better say, of “standing” in love. If two people who have been strangers, as all of us are, suddenly let the wall between them break down, and feel close, feel one, this moment of oneness is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life. It is all the more wonderful and miraculous for persons who have been shut off, isolated, without love. This miracle of sudden intimacy is often facilitated if it is combined with, or initiated by, sexual attraction and consummation. However, this type of love is by its very nature not lasting.

　　导致爱情不必要学习这种观点的第三个错误在于混淆了“坠”入爱河的最初体验和恋爱的状态——或者我们不如说爱情永“驻”。如果两个本来陌生的人，就像我们大家这样，突然打破彼此之间的壁垒，觉得情投意合，觉得难舍难分，这种融为一体的时刻是人生最愉快、最激动的体验。对于那些一直封闭、孤单、生活中缺少爱的人来说，这种体验就更为美妙和神奇。如果加上性吸引并结为夫妻，或者一开始就受性吸引和婚姻所驱动，那么这种一见如故的神奇感觉就经常会产生。但是，这种爱情从本质上来讲是不会长久的。

　　Vocabulary

　　sensation n. 感觉

　　premise n. 前提， 假设

　　trashy a. 没有用的uphold v. 支持

　　in pursuit of 追求

　　faculty n. 能力

　　with respect to 关于

　　the Victorian Age 维多利亚时代 (1837—1901)

　　spontaneous a. 自发的

　　contract v. 订约

　　convention n. 习俗

　　marriage broker 媒人

　　intermediary n. 中介

　　to a vast extent 很大程度上mutually ad. 互相地

　　buy sth. on installments 分期付款

　　a package of 很多

　　sexy a. 性感的

　　domesticity n. 顾家

　　coyness n. 羞怯

　　at any rate 无论如何

　　bargain n. 交易

　　standpoint n. 立场

　　overt a. 明显的

　　asset n. 优点

　　potentiality n. 潜力

　　real estate n. 不动产exhilarating a. 令人高兴的

　　miraculous a. 奇迹的

　　shut off 隔绝

　　intimacy n. 亲密

　　consummation n. 圆满

　　by...very nature 本质上

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