来啦！《剑15》 Test 4 小作文 详细解读！

【Introduction】

The charts are an illustration of what bachelors majoring in Anthropology did and how much money they earned annually after five years of working.

Ø “上乘”的paraphrase还是要力求调整句子的根骨，即：syntactic structure刻意被调整的同时还能通顺流利地体现出图形背后的客观信息；

Ø 学会去高度的浓缩信息，以一词代一句，不要总是依赖定语从句写句子，尤其是在句子内部的时候，会严重阻塞信息的流淌速度；

Ø 表格中体现的意思一定是“经过五年工作后”这些人的薪资水平如何，因此笔者添加了annually一词；当然，也可替换为on a yearly basis. 千万不要理解成五年共赚了多少钱进而改写为: how much money they have earned after five years of working.

【Body 1】

Most conspicuously, unlike full-time work, which was favored by slightly over half of the graduates, a mere five percent furthered postgraduate study while taking up a part-time job simultaneously. Besides, the number (8%) of people choosing to be a full-time postgraduate was exactly the same as that of those who did not reveal their destination. Lastly, roughly 12 to 15 individuals out of every 100 ones were jobless or working part-time.

Ø 本文的时态问题还是颇有吊诡的，注意：虽然没有时间给出，但是题干中有个did；且: 如果不是过去的薪资情况调查，两幅图表怎么绘制呢？因此，全文基态定格在一般过去即可；

Ø 极值优先写，所以呼应了段首的most conspicuously; which引导的非限定从作插入不解释了；

Ø The number of A was the same as the number of B. 是不是很傻瓜？换成there be句型试试？并且主语从proportion偷换成了number，同饼之下是可以的；

Ø 代词的使用及指代关系要；

Ø 啥叫unknown? 仔细体会下什么叫“写出冰冷数据背后的人文客观事实”；

Ø 怎么都可以，就是不想写“xx占据xx百分比”，建议学学。

【Body 2】

Regarding the salaries of bachelors entering the workforce, a resemblance stands out between Freelance consultants and Government sector. Specifically, people obtaining less than 75,000 dollars made up only a minority of the whole demographic (20%) while those getting paid above $75,000, a quite handsome level, held a lion’s share (80%). By stark contrast, moving to their counterparts enrolling in private enterprises, a mere one tenth got less than 50,000 dollars, and the proportions of the remaining three salary levels were quite balanced, approximating to roughly one third.  

Ø 中规中距的总分展开，快速让读者get到笔者的行文框架。此时，主题句一定要十分清晰（a resemblance stands out）。喜欢套句么，这句话不妨背下来；

Ø The variation of subjects matters. 注意: 主语切换的同时，写作底层的思考维度就发生了变化。因此，就更有可能写出冰冷数据背后的人文性事实；

Ø 避免了很生硬的“饼图坑”，即: 不要老是依赖在文中写出xx占据xx类似的句式；

Ø 词汇层面的替换及某些idiomatic expressions值得一提；

Ø 数据多且繁杂的时候，一定学会去高度概括“一把抓”，切记机械罗列；

【Overview】

Overall, most graduates choose to be employed, be it full-time or part-time, and people going freelance and entering the municipal domain general receive a fatter salary than do their counterparts in private companies.

Ø 两处倒装现象为语法增分值得一提，其它倒也还好，容易理解；

Ø 非谓语作后置定语起修饰功能，一直是个值得讲究的问题。如：freelance此处的副词性用法是很多语言学习者不知晓的；因此，词汇丰富度也可由此窥见一斑；

Ø 结局倡导大家中规中矩，不要再“饶舌”了，没必要。

Ø 本篇用时: 18 min.